Have you ever found yourself spending precious time and energy chasing ambition, money, a relationship, or material possessions? Those of us who have engaged in such vain pursuits know firsthand what a demoralizing, empty, and exhausting experience that can be. No one’s spirit can be truly uplifted by a futile quest for peace and fulfillment from a position, inanimate object or dysfunctional relationship.

How many times have we hit a wall racing madly after a job, or spent hour after hour obsessing on money and possessions, or pining for the affections of a person whom has rejected us?

It’s puzzling when we finally stop and ask ourselves why we are clinging so hard to something or someone who obviously does not share or reciprocate our feelings. We are puzzled because we can’t come up with a good and reasonable answer why we allowed ourselves to develop an unhealthy fixation upon something which is not real. We can’t rationally explain why we’ve taken the good things for granted, and overlooked the wonderful people in our lives who are loyal and true; the people who love us without condition, the people who have our backs and come running when we are in need.

All too often we become riveted and set our hearts upon the shadow dancing on the horizon, while the people who REALLY care are jumping up & down in front of our faces, waving their hands and yelling; “I’m here! I love you!” But we can’t see their faces or hear their voices because we are looking through and past them; consumed with a tantalizing mirage shimmering in the distance. An illusion which moves further away each time we draw closer, always hovering just out of reach.

Constantly tormented by this phantasm, we pour all our energy, hopes and dreams into a chase which leaves us feeling weary, unworthy, and tragically insecure. As a result, we live in a heavy state of spiritual and psychological vexation, because we never get the validation, love and nurturing we crave so deeply.

You may have asked yourself many times; “How do I stop behaving in this way and remove this burden from my heart?” The answer is really quite simple and yet challenging, because a definitive choice and consistent action is required to effectuate the change. You must resolve to stop the madness of striving for love and contentment. I am not saying this is an easy task. Many of us have spent significant portions of our lifetime on a treadmill going nowhere, running after someone whom or something which really didn’t merit our passion. However, once you have made and abide by this decision to stop, the relief and freedom you attain will bring peace and great joy.

You will smile and feel empowered. Your mind will become clear and regain focus. Your heart will be fixed on the ones (or the one) who really love you, and your eyes will be opened to see the blessings and invaluable treasures which have always have been there.

For many of us, this effort to break the cycle of striving for love, affection, and status is a formidable undertaking. Choosing to respond differently to those people and/or situations which trigger this reflex may be a determination you have to make over and over again during your life’s journey. This process may take time, which demands patience, perseverance and consistent repetition of making the healthy, healing choice in order to diminish and eventually eliminate this visceral, self-destructive, reaction. Then quite unexpectedly, one day you will find yourself no longer held down. You will feel the bliss of liberation from the ties to which you were formerly bound.

So you may ask once again; “How do I do this? It’s just so hard… How do I quiet my mind to stop thinking and feeling this way.” Again, not an easy road, but a simple answer. The answer I found was by embarking on a walk of faith. My relationship with Christ changed EVERYTHING. Jesus opened my eyes and my heart to realize how blind and misdirected I had been. My life with Christ has enabled me to make the aforementioned choice, to repent and change my behavior. Christ has guided and inspired me to become a better person, a better man in all aspects of my life.

Please, please! Before you roll your eyes, sigh heavily and mouth “Oh brother” under your breath and click to the next post, do me the courtesy of hearing me out.

I was living the definition of crazy in so many aspects of my life; doing the same thing (which does not work) over and over yet expecting a different result. Self-medicating to dull the pain of my immaturity and poor self-esteem through alcohol, serial dating, and living beyond my means. This was like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound, hoping it would stop the bleeding, only to see it soak through, drop off and have to search frantically for a new bandage, never wanting to face the truth of my pain and situation.

So I boldly ask for you to set out with me on a journey of introspection and begin by honestly answering a question; “Is this you?”

If you are honest with yourself and this is you, it is no wonder you feel perpetually anxious, deflated, and annoyingly frustrated. This is no way for you to live, chained to an emotional and psychological hamster wheel. Consequently I ask you; why not step off and consider a different approach instead of persisting with the same, fruitless manner of thinking and courses of action?

The reason to me is quite apparent; you are afraid to relinquish what you believe is control over your life. You only trust your own knowledge, skills and abilities. You only trust your personal perceptions and experiences; the things you can personally see and touch, and the outcomes which result from your own machinations and manipulations. What a small, stressful, overwhelming world in which to live!

To walk in faith can be very frightening to people. Why? Because the faith walk requires belief in the unseen, no longer relying on your own understanding. Walking in faith is a counterintuitive rejection of the “common sense wisdom” of our earthly culture in favor of a greater truth and a higher purpose. The walk of faith requires you to relinquish your baggage; your pain, fears, lusts, suspicions, and grudges. Your old ways of thinking and approaching relationships are redirected and replaced. And your long held perception of control over your life is revealed as an illusion.

Here perhaps is the difficult part; surrendering all that “crap”which you may have spent a lifetime accumulating. To dump it all on the side of the road and put it in the rear view mirror as you pull away and drive in a different direction. I will be honest with you, sometimes it’s hard to take your eyes off the rear view mirror and let that stuff go. Sometimes you may be overcome with anxiety, and back up to reload the “junk” into the trunk. However, you don’t get very far before you realize that reloading all that junk is inhibiting you from moving forward.

Other times you may stay fixated on the rear view mirror, forget to keep your eyes on the road in front of you, and crash. That’s ok. Been there, done that. It’s called being human. The good news is you’re not riding alone in the car. Through faith, you can cede the wheel to Christ and let Him drive. Jesus is the one who has the map and knows the destination.

I can share and write with conviction on this topic because this is my story, my journey of faith. Quite literally, my relationship with Christ as my driver changed the course of my life and grew me up. Helping me to gain the strength, self-control, and consistency love needed to mature, set healthy boundaries with people, and fix my heart on Him, not lusts and mirages, which opened my eyes to see the blessings around me and truly appreciate the beautiful people whom have always been there for me.

I have never had to strive for Jesus’ Love, only surrender my pride and my fears. I have a great wife who walks this path with me and have been blessed with some fabulous people imparting wisdom and/or discipling me along the way. I am deeply grateful for Paul & Anita Treichel, Mitch & kitty Fox, Chris & Clara Reed, the late Rich Elisaldez, Katherine Kessler, Pat Meye, Zack & Rachelle Wechsler, Perry & Celia Johnson, Chris & Carley Ritchie, Jon Sprik, the late Reggie “Tank” Robinson, Dr. Tony Robinson and their fabulous progeny, Harold & Linda Eberle, Larry Titus, Lorrie Nieves, Craig Chval, and Frank LaGrotta to name a few. They have consistently provided insights, inspiration and encouragement to me at crucial points on this journey.

I would welcome the opportunity to do the same for any of you whom have questions or are searching for a way to stop the madness and make a new start. I am here with open arms, an open heart, and an open mind. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you’d would like to have a conversation. No pressure, no judgment, just love.

Blessings & warm regards,

Kevin

Fear has dominated nearly my entire life.

It goes back as far as I can remember, to being afraid of the dark, and afraid of water, and afraid of letting our neighbor toss me in the air over his head and then catch me as he did with all the children on the block, and afraid of getting beat up at grade school.

Then it was being afraid of not knowing the right answer at school, or being ridiculed by classmates or turned down when I asked a girl for a date.

Eventually, it just settled into two categories – fear of failure and fear of rejection.

Of course, those two categories pretty much encompass all of life.  Over the years, those fears paved the way to alcoholism and also helped me to be a spectacular failure as a husband and as a father (although God miraculously granted me a second chance, but that’s a story for another day).

You could say that I was afraid of pretty much everything.  That even included success, since success – however defined – couldn’t possibly last forever.  For someone like me, that’s an enormously horrifying thought.

After many years, and much pain inflicted on myself and others, I began to comprehend an important – and very unfamiliar – truth:  Fear and God’s love for us do not, and cannot, co-exist.  It’s right there in the Bible:  There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (1 John 4:18)

I have experienced the peace and freedom from fear that comes from God’s perfect love.

But I do not love perfectly, far from it.  By nature I am selfish, judgmental and prone to condemning others and justifying my behavior.

Jesus modeled his love for us just before giving himself up to an excruciating death for our sake.  He washed the feet of his disciples, a very menial and disgusting chore.  He washed not only the feet of his closest friends and confidants, but also the feet of the one who he already knew would betray him into death.

And then he explained the significance of his actions:

“Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you … Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” (John 13:14-15, 17)

I have been blessed by God’s love and by his love demonstrated by others, but still I struggle to love as Jesus did – humbly, completely, unconditionally.

In my dear friend Kevin Hawkins, I have a man who models that love for me.  I watch Hawk serve others, engage the lonely, proclaim the love and compassion of Jesus and then walk that talk.  It inspires me, it convicts me, it motivates me and it encourages me.

This is Jesus’ plan for bringing us to his Father – loving one another as he loved us.

And so I immediately and enthusiastically accepted the invitation from Kevin and his godly wife Karen to lock shields with them – to try to live up to Jesus’ impossible standard of love.

Watching Kevin love others is essential to my own transformation.  Watching Kevin, there is only love, no fear.  No fear of rejection, no fear that he can’t answer every question or meet every need.  Just love. Just washing people’s feet.

I see it, I recognize it as the love of Jesus and I can try to imitate it.  This is what Paul had in mind when he boldly said, “Be imitators of me as I am of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1)

It is my fervent hope and prayer that through this blog, many people will recognize Jesus’ love in Kevin’s life and will be moved by the Holy Spirit to love similarly – as Jesus modeled.  But I know for sure that I will grow in Christlikeness by declaring my intention to love as Kevin and Jesus do – radically, sacrificially and unconditionally.

Peace and love to all,

Craig

Welcome to the inaugural post of our new blog; “Life with Love”. Life with Love was born from the same question posed to me at different times by my beloved wife Karen and my dear friend Craig Chval. (Who are my co-creators and collaborators in this endeavor) The question they have both asked me within the last 18 months; “What do you understand to be God’s purpose for your life?”

It did not take me long to respond to their queries because the answer is deeply rooted in three Bible passages which have served as both focus and inspiration on my walk with God. The first is found in the Gospel of John, Chapter 13:34-35; “A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” A command which Jesus repeats in John 15:12; “My command is this: love each other as I have loved you.”

The third passage has not only given me clarity and shown me the way to obey the command of Jesus, but serves as my “battle cry” and inspiration each day. It is found in the Old Testament Book of Micah, chapter 6, verse 8. “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

I know it is my charge as a disciple of Christ to love our brothers and sisters as he commanded by seeking justice, relieving oppression, defending the weak, and aiding those in need. I believe this mission will best be accomplished by words and deeds which can serve both to demonstrate justice, mercy and humility to those I encounter and as an example to awaken people’s hearts.

In my heart is to help people expand the table and build community by providing food for contemplation through this blog and walking out sincere, enduring acts of service to encourage and show people how to be fearlessly generous, embrace mercy, crusade for justice, and love without any caveats.

The humility is found in our motivations and the posture of our hearts as we approach our relationship with God and our interactions with people. I am motivated by love and a desire to obey the command of Christ in all my life roles and in all my relationships. My heart’s desire is to help people understand and embrace what it truly means to live in community with all of our brothers and sisters locally, regionally, nationally and globally.

In the coming weeks, months and years, we will be writing and also inviting discussion on how to love through the challenging issues which we face as individuals, family members, neighbors, citizens of our nations and the world. We will look at these issues with our hearts and through the lens of our faith to share love, provide illumination, and promote hope.

We thank you for joining us on this journey and look forward to sharing our collective wisdom and experiences, working through challenging topics, and hearing your hearts.

Blessings and warm regards,

Kevin