Words are incredibly powerful, and with their great power comes the responsibility to use them wisely, and with loving intentions. You see I believe words are meant to comfort, educate, encourage, guide, illuminate, inspire, build relationships, and elevate our quality of life.
All too often we see and hear the power of words wielded irresponsibly to advance selfish intentions through manipulation, to hurt & demean, to agitate, distract from & distort the truth, to express anger, prejudice & ignorance, to promote fear & paranoia, and to pass judgment. Used in this fashion, words discourage transparency & open discussion because the environment is not safe. Employed in this manner, words inflict people with deep heart wounds, divide families & communities, and poison cultures.
Rhetoric, witty banter, biting sarcasm and quick retorts have proven to be very seductive, considered clever and entertaining our society, a skill treasured by far too many. Embracing & propagating this manner of communication has numbed people so profoundly they ignore or dismiss acerbic tones, condescending postures, selfish, cruel and misguided intent. Individuals have also become entranced by the power of the microphone and the bully pulpit, drawn to volume, aggression, and their level of comfort with ideology instead of focusing on whether or not content of the message has true merit. We have seen words build bridges and unite people, and we have seen words start wars.
Which leads me back to my original question; How and for what are you using your words?
Are you using your words to acknowledge & welcome people, to provide comfort & support , to educate, articulate sincere empathy, and encourage? Are your words providing positive direction & motivation, showing respect, provoking thought & stimulating growth? Do they promote understanding, bring peace, and create joy?
Do you often or reflexively use your words to show anger, bias, bigotry & frustration? Do you regularly use your words to complain, criticize, demean, discourage, discredit, or express disdain? Do the words you say discriminate, diminish, dismiss, create distance from, or shame people? Do the thoughts you express stoke fear, ignite hatred, injure, insult, or judge?
Are you spending more time calling forth the best in people, or are you perpetually calling people out for their challenges, failures, shortcomings, and current or past mistakes?
Knowing when to speak, what words to use, your body language, facial expressions and tone of voice are critical to effective and healthy communication. I have found in my experience, how people behave in this regard is quite often a window through which we can see what they truly hold in their hearts. Having said this, poor and dysfunctional communication does not necessarily indicate evil or maliciousness in people, it can also provide a revelation of the pain & torment they carry inside.
In my heart, I only want to hold love, and if I am successful in doing so, only loving things will come out of my mouth. This not only applies to the people whom I hold dear, but especially to the people whom aren’t doing or haven’t necessarily done right by me over the course of my life. It’s easy to speak with kindness, tolerance and understanding about the people we love. It is a far greater test of our hearts to express love & respect for people with whom we disagree or have hurt us in some way.
I believe the key to holding only love in my heart for others is found in the amount of of love I keep in my heart for myself. How can I possibly be caring & loving to others with my thoughts & words if I have difficulty or cannot express love for myself? This is not a trite realization. I think we know there are millions of people out there (Some in our homes & families) who constantly repudiate themselves and consequently have difficulty staying positive in order to cultivate and maintain healthy relationships. Loving your neighbor as yourself truly begins here.
Our tongues were not meant for cursing people one moment and praising them the next. My brothers and sisters, our tongues, our words are meant to uplift and enlighten. Use your words well, employ them with love. And listen, truly listen to what other people are saying. Especially if it goes against the grain of your perspective or long held beliefs. We can disagree with dignity and respect. Remember, particularly in those situations where you may hold a divergent perspective, people are sharing their hearts with you, and that merits your love, respect, and sincere consideration.
There is great wisdom to be found in The Bible (James 3:1-12) and by many authors on how to use our words. I wholeheartedly encourage you to take some time to read and learn more about the significance of words and their impact on our world.
I close his entry with a request. Spend this week (one day at a time) in conscious effort to only have loving words come out of your mouth. And if you cannot find the loving words, SAY NOTHING. This means if you feel strongly about someone or a specific topic, or vehemently disagree with a behavior, certain course of action or perspective, you find a way to express it without any criticism, venom or negativity. And let’s up the ante a little bit, and take this effort a couple of steps further. Instead of expressing offense or complaining about something, offer positive ideas on how to make it better. And if you find you cannot offer anything constructive, then BE SILENT. No attacks, digs (subtle or overt), or rhetoric. Just be still.
Will you take up this mantle with me and we can share our progress and experiences over the course of next week? If you stumble and fall, no judgment or condemnation; get up, dust off, and start all over again! You can do it! I think we will have some amazing epiphanies, change some environments, and touch some hearts!
Thanks to my wife Karen for the heartfelt conversation and my dear friend George Siegal and his blog titled; “Did you really just say that?” on movetheworldfilms.org for the inspiration.
Life With Love 